LXXXIV | Ugly ❦ ‘Sorry,’ I say. Rowan’s expressionless expressionreturns to her face. ‘For what?’ Her voice is a whisper.She looks away,at the stars in the sky. ‘I let Shuhui sleep at my house.’ She doesn’t respond. I don’t dareto look at her. I keep going. ‘She got kicked out of her house,‘so I let … Read more
LXXXIII | Heavens ❦ I open the notethat appearson my desk halfway through the day. I’M EXCITED FOR OUR DATE. Rowan stares at mewith her expressionless expressionacross the room. I can’t help smiling.I wink at her. She looks away,the tips of her earsturning red. She bends over her desk,trying to look more focusedon her worksheet. … Read more
LXXXII | Desire ❦ We walkat the neighbourhood parknear my placebecause Shuhuirefusesto go home. ‘I don’t want to see that old woman (her mother)‘ever again,’she says. ‘Your stuff for school is at home,’I point out. She lights a cigarette. ‘I can borrow Pretti’s uniform.’ ‘Homework?‘Textbook? Notes?‘Food? Panties?’ She blows a cloud of smokeinto my face. … Read more
LXXXI | Placate ❦ I waited for thestring of expletives to reach an end before asking her if she’s eaten. Apparently,that’s the wrong questionto ask because it led to anotherstring of expletives. Right now,she’s calmed down a bit and I take her to a nearby coffee shopfor a meal. Shuhui picks at her caifanand mutters … Read more
LXXX | Sermon ❦ The sun hasn’t even setwhen I deposit Rowan at the doorstepof her nameless chicken rice shop. ‘Thank you,’ she whispers as if she doesn’t wantthe empty street to know we’re dating. The tips of her earsare red so I knowshe means it. ‘It feels like it you were bored,‘but you put … Read more
LXXIX | Amateur ❦ ‘Hey Rowan,’ I ask one day, ‘what’s your dream date?’ The tips of her earsturn red. I stick my hands in my pockets,feeling very proud of myself. ‘Bible study with my boyfriend.’ I bow dramatically.‘Sorry for asking.’ Walk away. ❦ Me: Why did I agree to this?Cat: Because … Read more
LXXVIII | Outcast ❦ There’s this deja vu feelingI get from watching my friendstalk loudly then go quiet when I appear. ‘Yo,’ I say. Kumar waves hey. Angie whispers something to Nora.Nora avoids my eyes. It’s like I’ve gone backto being the shy primary school boyhiding behind Brient all over again. Even thoughthis time, I’m the … Read more
LXXVII | Mother ❦ I keepthinking about Rowan’s mother, what happenedto her, what Rowan feels, how she copes with it. Blindly fumbling aroundand confronting it hesitantly. I come homeafter school early for once. Do my homework. Play with my phoneuntil she comes back. Since the man I call ‘dad’is gone for good, she’s home earlier … Read more
LXXVI | Solution ❦ Rizwanthrows his jacketover the deskand buries his head in it. ‘Are we going with Clyde’s proposal after all?’ Julie’s reading throughthe papers Mrs. Lim returnedwith feedback. I didn’t put muchthought into mine honestly. It was the only topicI could come up with that matched the criteria. ‘I’d like to explore it,’Rowan … Read more
LXXV | Flesh ❦ ‘Thanks for bringing me home.’Rowan’s coal-black eyes burn into mine. I shrug. The wordsI want to say to herare stuckin my throatfor a moment. I haven’t spoken sinceanswering her question under the rowan tree. My throat is dry. ‘Thanks for taking me to see Ria.’ The tips of her earsturn red. … Read more
