XCIV | Yellow ❦ I don’t rememberwho calls the police or the ambulance but they comeafter I’ve beenon my knees, hands soakedin his bloodfor a while. Sirens cry, blue and red lights,white sheets,a beeping machine,gloved hands,manicured voices. I’m led downa pastel yellow hallwaythat smells like sanitiser but no matterhow they wash, I can still tastemetallic … Read more
XCIII | Suicide ❦ I emergefrom supplementary lessonalone. Rowan doesn’t attend this classso she’s sittingunder the rowan tree readingas usual. No, I’m wrong. I walk out of the classalone —the new normal these days— and see her therein the corridor,sitting against the wall, holding her school bag. I stare her.She looks at me. ‘I’m waiting … Read more
XCII | Ring ❦ The sound of someone’sslow claps. ‘Nice speech…‘but why‘must you ‘do this during class?’ It’s Mrs. Lim’s voice. Julie’s phone disappearsinto the depths of her desk. The paper fallsfrom Rizwan’s face. We all turn to look at her, sitting nearby,arms crossed. ‘Y-You heard everything?’ I ask. She gives me a glarebeneath her … Read more
XCI | Wonder ❦ Facing Rowan now, at our project meetingknowing what I know, I can see the difference. Her handstremble slightly, her expressionless expressioncrumblesnow and then when she thinks I’m not looking. Things I’ve nevernoticed before. We have brainstormeda few useless ideas on how to motivate peoplewho don’t want to live. But there’s no … Read more
XC | Played ❦ Tossing and turning, I can’t sleepbecause my room smells of ash. Lies. I play backwhat just happened. Sucker. I can almost hearher saying that. I bury my headin my pillowand groan loudly. The clothes in her bag, her house that turned out to bea friend’s place. So sly! That 狐狸精! If … Read more
LXXXIX | Resolution ❦ Shuhui is by my bedroom windowsmoking a cigarette, wearing only my shirt—nothing else underneath. She turnswhen I walk in, a smileobscured by smoke. ‘How’s the date?’ My determination wavers. It’s more difficultthan I thought it would be. Shuhuidrops her cigaretteout the window and gives me a hug. I’m enveloped in ash. … Read more
LXXXVIII | Sleep ❦ Rowan walksfrom the bus stopto the void deck to the lift lobby. The donkey follows her. Don’t, Rowan. It’s not a good idea.Go home. She staresat the unchanging LED panelthat reads 8. (I live on the 13th floor.) It says 8 for a long time. Eeyore is entreating her again.She ignores … Read more
LXXXVII | Affection ❦ She can’t see you,the cat says. Obviously. I know that.If she could,I wouldn’t comfort her. Since she’s always been coldto me. I stumbleand pass through Aspen’s legon my way to the door. I want to leave. The worldblurs like an unfocused video. I blink,stand up. I’m in school now,standing with … Read more
LXXXVI | Other Side ❦ The cat only touched me.I’m sure of it. So why am I falling over? (Arrghh, so embarrassing!) No, I’m not falling. The cat is the onefloating upside down.Shrinking. Back to its normal size. The flickering light is gone. The drinking group of teenagershas gone quiet. Even the void deckof my … Read more
LXXXV | Megaphone ❦ I reach a bus stop, take a random bushome. When I get offthe bus, I see the catwith scales likereptilian armour, likewhen we first met. Its tail waveslanguidly,a casual greeting. My fists clench,fire burnsin my chest. ‘You!‘Why are you here?’ It doesn’t reply. Just pads away,blindly confident I’ll follow.I won’t. But … Read more
