LXXX | Sermon
❦
The sun hasn’t even set
when I deposit Rowan
at the doorstep
of her nameless chicken rice shop.
‘Thank you,’ she whispers
as if she doesn’t want
the empty street to know
we’re dating.
The tips of her ears
are red
so I know
she means it.
‘It feels like it you were bored,
‘but you put up with it
‘because I was so excited.’
You were excited? I couldn’t tell.
I brush hair from her face
and hook a stray strand
behind her ear.
Her eyes were shining all day.
‘I learnt cool things today.’
Screw flattery.
I’ll be honest about this.
‘It doesn’t start with that
‘but usually every date
‘ends with sex.’
She takes my hand.
It’s soft.
‘My world was so small before.’
She tilts her head.
‘You’re honest today,’
she comments.
I laugh
and lean in close.
‘I want to kiss you, Rowan.’
I hear her heartbeat.
‘Me too,’ she says.
And I find myself
staring
at my reflection in dark frosted glass.
❦
Her whole family
is waiting at the bus stop
when I alight.
‘Sorry for being late,’ I say
without actually feeling sorry.
I’m nervous
about going to church
so I wanted to have
less time
to think about it.
The last church I went to
gave me a bad impression
of churches in general.
Rowan’s father
smiles
when he asks me how I am
and Aspen excitedly explains
the context of today’s sermon.
Something chim
like spiritual maturity.
Her church on a Sunday
isn’t what I envisioned.
The building
is the same one
as the day of the picnic
but there are
more people here
than people queuing up for iPhones.
Like, five times more.
Disclaimer:
I’ve never queued up
for an iPhone.
It’s 9am
in the morning!
The church I visited before
was nothing like this.
Does it just look different
because I’m
in Rowan’s world now?
A voice calls my name
even though
I don’t know
anyone here.
Adam squeezes through the crowd,
familiar faces in tow.
Rowan’s friends
whose names I didn’t bother to remember.
I really thought
I’d never come back here again.
They repeat their names for me.
Micah.
Elijah.
Kenneth.
I ask them why their names
all end with h.
They tell me
I pointed this out
last time already.
Awkward laugh time…
We sing songs.
(Fine, everyone sings and I listen.)
A chill goes down my spine
but I tell myself
it’s the effect of the music.
I’m sandwiched between
Aspen and Elijah
so it’s hard to see Rowan’s face.
But from the
ordinary
expressions
of the faces
I can see,
it’s not hard to guess.
When we sit down,
Elijah tells me
I’m looking in the wrong place.
Aren’t we supposed to watch the preacher on stage?
He points at the glass walls
that surround the sanctuary.
A chill
goes down
my spine
and then
up
again.
Outside,
surrounding the building
for miles and miles,
stands legions of
creatures
weird like the winged donkey and my chameleon cat.
There’s so many of them,
some humanoid,
some holding weapons
like DOTA 2 characters,
the ground around them
glowing
like the golden streets of the golden city.
like the ground is made of the sun.
My jaw drops.
‘That’s creepy,’ I tell Elijah.
He grins.
‘I know right.
‘It’s awesome.
‘When I see this army every Sunday,
‘I get enough HP for the next week.’
The pastor
is introducing the holy communion
but I can’t stop
looking at the queer army
gathered outside.
‘Who are they?’ I ask
and know the answer immediately
because I see Mr. Ahmad
standing beside a bear with horns.
Elijah answers
anyway,
‘It’s the Spirit
‘and the armies of God.’
❦
I don’t remember much
about the sermon
but the image of the supernatural army
is burned into my mind.
I can’t stop thinking about it
even after
I’ve said goodbye
to the h musketeers,
then Rowan and family,
and now sit
staring into space
on a wobbly bus
en route home.
I get off
in a daze
and see a familiar face,
with yellow contacts,
iconic cigarette
and a pissed look.
❦
