CIX | Someday ❦ A needlepierces me all over. Ten needles. Or one needleten times. Either way, The world goesdark. Wrapped inold darkness, I have space to think.To sort out what’s real and what’s not. Not much is real—I realise. Barely anything happened. I’ll wake up again,sitting in my armchair waiting for medicine … Read more
CVIII | Something Similar ❦ My head is spinning,My breath comes in gasps, I’m reaching outfor Tammie but she’s not here. So the fake Tammieis the one who embraces me. And I let her. Clutching her shirt.Burying my mouth in her shoulder. Muffling my screams. The plain nursesteps forward to intervene. But the fake Tammie … Read more
CVII | Somehow Not ❦ I must be wrong. She’s a different person. A sister?A cousin?A twin? Either way,I relax. It’s not her. My body sinksinto the cushions of the couch. This person is the wrong size(too healthy). Her skin is the wrong colour(too pink). Her eyes are the wrong grey(too dark). I shake my … Read more
CVI | Someone Visits ❦ Moonlight Sonata beginsto play. The walls wake up to this mournfulmelody. Ibrahim arrives firstbut disappears into the bathroom. Haryati and Callum descend the stairslike ghosts with uncombed hair. The plain nurse says somethingto the pretty nurse. The pretty nurse replies. They forget about mefor a while. Pei Xuan is next, … Read more
CV | Sometime Later ❦ Where is Tammie? Who’s this Valerie girl?What happened to Tammie? This Valerie…she was never at medicine time. It has always beenjust eight of us. That’s what Tammie said. There are always eight patients. She repeatsherself. ‘Who’s Tammie?’ I stare at her.She stares at me. The sky slowly brightens. … Read more
CIV | Someone Different ❦ The night lasts forever. It’s endless.It’s neverending.It’s not passing fast enough. I toss and turn. I think— about what happened,about us now,about our future —but the sky remains dark. The LED lightglows in the dark, patient. Unlike me. The bed is uncomfortablewithout Tammie in it with me. I cry again, … Read more
CIII | Something Left ❦ I stop Tammiebefore we go into my room at bedtime. ‘Let’s talk,’ I whisper. My voice is hoarsefrom having slush forceddown my throat. My heart breaks for Tammie. I’m a monster. We standunder the rowan trees. I’m watching Tammie. Tammie watches the rowan trees. The leaves waveat her in … Read more
CII | Some Delusion ❦ The smell of vomitengulfs me. I breathe it in, and whimper into her bony chest. What if I forget you?I whisper when the panicin my chest dissipates. Chillsrun down my back when Tammie’s fingersbrush across my throat. I give in to the comforting sensation. A shudderof pleasure. She smiles at … Read more
CI | Somehow ❦ I get up too,propping myself on my arms— staring deep into her grey eyes. Tammie has alreadyforgotten. She doesn’t remember the deaths,the faces,the names. I’m going to forget, aren’t I? She gives mean apologetic smile. ❦ It’s been a whilesince I did any painting— so much has happened … Read more
C | Some Denial ❦ ‘Tammie!’ I call herover the dissonant musicshe likes dancing to. She looks at me but her hair’s in her eyes,her legs stretched at inappropriate angles. I frown and fold my armsdisapprovingly while she climbs down from the pole. I tell her about itall the time— she never listens. It’s part … Read more
