XXXIX | Something To Do ❦ In the storage roomwhere all the paintsand brushesand canvases are kept, someone is already painting. Humming to herself. Occasionally,she’ll speak, pointing her paintbrush at the canvas, stabbing itwith Malay curses. She feelsmy eyes on her and turns to look. Fatima. Her paintbrush lowers—she hands itto a non-existent servant. It drops … Read more
XXXVIII | Someone I Liked ❦ There is,in my memory, someonewhose breath also smells like peanut butter. It’s my favourite,she told me. You’ve finished a whole bottlein two days! The person’s laughis familiar, a sound I’ve grown accustomed to hearing. Peanut butter fills the air. A knifewith peanut butter straight into the person’s … Read more
XXXVII | Some Black Flowers ❦ I wake up and the nurses aren’tfollowing me like shadows anymore. Moonlight Sonataseeps through the walls. I’m alone.I’ll go backto sleep. My body moveswithout my knowledge. I’m downstairs before I know it. Gavin(seated in his armchair) closes his eyes to avoidseeing me walk past. Tammie smiles at me from … Read more
XXXVI | Something I Did ❦ Tammie’sbruises change colour every day. I watch her dancewithout music, hands caressing the pole, sliding down her back,feet hiked up,legs wrapping tightly around her lover. She catches my eye,smiling shy and apologetic. It’s nauseating. Doesn’t she see the red bruises turning bluethe blue bruises turning black, the light … Read more
XXXV | Some Friend You Are ❦ Foras long as I can remember I’ve only wanted to die. Wanting to live—that’s somethingthat’s not crossed my mind in a long time. I’ve never thoughtto ask myself a question like that. Living’s hard.I don’t like living. I pretend not to hearthe tune of Moonlight Sonata calling … Read more
XXXIV | Some Advice ❦ Mind your own business,I want to tell him. But his voice is low,he’s jumpy like something’s wrong. I alreadyknow something’s not right with this place. I go to the dining roomto spit out the orange. It tastes like dish cloth. I grab the other half from Gavinand throw that … Read more
XXXIII | Someone’s Wrong ❦ ‘I didn’t kill them!’ I sound guilty even to myself. My fingerscurled around the bottle of paint are cramped,numb. I can’t squeeze it. I’m a coward. The reason I didn’t take O Levelswasn’t anyone’s fault— not eventhe voices or the hallucinations— it’s because I’m a coward. … Read more
XXXII | Someone’s Face ❦ I decidethat I’m going to ignore Tammie for the rest of today.For the whole week.Forever. I don’t need her around. She’s toxic. She’s a bully. She’s a liar. Even if I knew her before,there’s no reason why that should matter now. I go to the study. I’ll play … Read more
XXXI | Some Space ❦ When it’s medicine timeand I refuse to go downstairs, the nursespull the blanket awayand commandthat I get out of bed. I ask for the blanket back. ‘I’ll give it to you‘after you get up.’ It’s a lie. I knowbecause the doors are lockedduring medicine time. The pretty nurse noticesthat I’ve … Read more
XXX | Someone Who Cared ❦ The darkness is like oilon the surface of water. Trying to break throughthe skin of the liquid just makes itstick to my skinlike shrinking PVC wrap. When I open my mouth to speak,thick oil moulds to the shapeof my mouth and trickles down my throat. I cough and … Read more
