LXIII | Some Tension
❦
Nina is still threatened
by Li Wen,
I explain to Tammie.
(A noncommittal response.)
She rubs
her forehead
against
my shoulder.
I pull away.
She yelled at everyone today,
except Li Wen.
Silence.
I fall
into the depths
of Tammie’s
grey eyes.
They’re hollow one moment,
they’re full of light
the next,
they’re making me
forget
what
I’m
trying
to…
Tammie locks our fingers
and throws the blanket
over my head
so we’re
shrouded in
warm
sour
darkness.
There’s something wet
stroking my cheek.
It’s uncomfortable (at first).
Then, rhythmic.
Lulling.
My complaint
dies
at the back
of my throat.
When I wake up,
Tammie is gone.
❦
In the main hall,
Nina is arguing with Asher
who refuses
to get up
and move to
his designated
armchair.
This is my seat.
He’s stubborn.
You’re called first
so you have to sit in front.
And so does she.
I’m about to
sit in the armchair
Nina tells me to
but
it’s
the one Asher’s in.
Asher notices
and waves me away.
Ignore her, Fiona,
just sit wherever you want.
I’m trapped.
Nina’s eyes
are also
threatening me.
I turn
to Tammie
for advice.
What should I do?
Tammie bites
the nail
of her thumb.
Nina crosses
her arms,
dragging Oman along awkwardly.
A loud impatient
sigh.
The door
of the asylum opens,
the nurses come in
and I am saved.
I’ve
never been
so happy
to see the nurses
before.
I take my medicine
like a good girl.
❦
I’m laying scrap paper
over carpet
when Asher
storms up to me.
He helps
to lift the easel
even though
I tell him
I can do it.
His eyes soften
for a bit
and then
he’s swearing and cursing Nina.
‘That bitch
‘is actually making people
‘listen to her.’
Who
does she
think she is?
I don’t really
care
about what
Nina is doing.
So long as
she’s not yelling at me,
she’s no different
from the other weirdos
in this asylum.
But I don’t say this
to Asher.
I uncap a bottle
of blue
and mix it with the green
for a shade
that best fits
the dull sheen
cast by today’s clouds.
Should I paint over
yesterday’s
tree
or draw a new one today?
Asher
pokes his head
between
the easel and
me.
Be careful of her,
Fiona.
Don’t do
everything
she says.
She’s
not in charge
here.
I guess
it doesn’t help
to respond
‘neither are you‘
huh?
I watch Asher’s face
morph
in a series of
expressions:
Confusion,
anger,
disappointment,
pity,
passion,
defeat.
I don’t
understand
him.
I shall paint
a new tree.
Asher helps me
take a new canvas
from the storage room.
He meets
Nina
(and Oman)
on his way back
to me.
She stops him
to yell
about something he’s done
that I know nothing of.
She jabs her finger
in his face.
I notice
her nails
have grown long
in
just these few days.
They argue
for a long time
so I decide
to just paint over
yesterday’s tree.
❦
