LXII | Some Law And Order
❦
Yesterday,
right after medicine time,
I wrote about
Raymond
in my notebook about Tammie
so
I won’t forget.
Today,
my notebook
is gone.
I’m about to
accuse the nurses
but they’re
gone
as always
when morning medicine time is over
and Moonlight Sonata
ends.
I’ll forget his name
today—
already
my image of him
is fuzzy.
It’s strange
seeing Li Wen
alone.
Her eyes are rimmed red,
bloodshot
like a ghost.
Her curly hair’s
even curlier.
I wonder what she’ll say
if I ask her
who she’s sad over
but I don’t
really
want to die.
Tomorrow,
even she
won’t remember
his
name.
❦
Tomorrow is here.
I don’t know Li Wen well
to begin with,
but I think
she’s behaving
strangely.
For one,
she’s sitting
in her own
armchair.
Moonlight Sonata fills up
the groggy
morning silence.
Somehow
I think of
her
like a lightbulb
someone needs to switch on
and bring
to life.
But she’s
got one arm
propping
her chin up
on the armrest
of her own armchair,
sunlight in her eyes.
Thinking.
I don’t remember
ever
seeing her
think.
❦
After medicine time,
we’re all wandering off
as usual.
Nina
(with Oman behind her),
goes up to Urei
(who sits
in his armchair all day)
and tells him
to get up.
He gives her a cursory glance
and goes back
to staring into space.
I start painting
the tree
just outside
the window.
I’ve painted it before
(I think)
but the leaves
always
drop off
grow anew,
branches shift
so every painting of this tree
looks
different.
You’re just painting leaves randomly
each time,
Tammie exposes me.
I wave my
paint-laden paintbrush
and tell her
to go practice her dancing.
I watch her disappear
behind Nina and Oman
shifting armchairs.
Asher
plants himself
in front of her
and demands
an explanation.
She looks down
at him
and says
the armchairs
need to be orderly
so medicine time
won’t take so long.
Asher tells her
to stop
meddling
and to find something else
to occupy herself with.
She asks him
to get out of the way
if he’s not
going to help.
He swears at her.
She swears at him.
Asher leaves.
Nina yells at Urei
to stand up.
Because no one
cleans up,
keeps things tidy,
the asylum
is a huge stinky mess.
Urei
ignores her.
Even when she starts
swearing at him
in Malay.
She gets Oman to help her
push his chair
with him still in it.
❦
Nina doesn’t stop
with just lining the armchairs
in two neat rows.
She yells at Gavin
who eats
inside the study room
instead of
in the main hall
or dining room.
She yells at Zuraida
who messes up
the towels in the bathroom.
Even I’m
not excused.
Nina shouts
at me
to clean up
the paint
already dried
onto the carpet.
It’s acrylic, I tell her.
Think of it as art.
Her gaze
makes my hair catch fire.
I expected more from you,
her eyes tell me.
I don’t
feel
emotions
very much
but
something like
frustration
wells up
in my chest.
❦
