LXI | Someone's Gone
❦
My eyes open
even though
the sky’s not bright yet.
I usually sleep until
sunlight
enters the room.
Right now,
the sky’s still purple
and a heavy blanket of silence
lies over
the asylum.
Something
woke me up.
Tammie’s hand
squeezes mine
and I look over
at her.
Someone’s screaming.
After
she says it,
I
hear it.
Loud, shrill and piercing.
I jump
when I hear it,
even though Tammie
gave me warning.
I let go of her hand
and tiptoe
to the door,
opening it
just
one
inch.
The empty landing is brightly lit.
There’s
no sign
of any commotion.
Did we imagine it?
I ask Tammie,
crawling back into bed.
She takes my hand again
and snuggles
deeper
into my sweat-soaked bed.
I stare
at the dim LED light
on my ceiling
until Moonlight Sonata
seeps through
the walls.
❦
I notice it immediately
when I reach
the main hall.
Li Wen
sitting in
Raymond’s chair.
It’s obvious
because she’s alone.
Raymond’s
not there.
After her outburst
the day before,
I was sure
she’s the one
who will disappear.
You were wrong.
Tammie giggles across the room
at me.
I’m distracted
by the stench
of vomit
from where I sit.
Raymond
is the one
who’s disappeared.
Why?
❦
My name is called
and I know
I don’t have long
to think
before they give me
pills
to make me forget.
Nine patients
created chaos,
of course
one has to go.
But
if that’s the case,
then it can be avoided
simply by
admitting just one new patient
in the first place.
The eyes of the masked nurse
in front of me
are Nina’s.
The other nurse has Oman’s eyes.
Eat your medicine,
Nina commands,
flexing a gloved hand.
Don’t ask
so many questions.
Just because I answered before
doesn’t mean I like it.
Oman nods his head
for his sister
and continues
in a lower voice,
I just don’t want to owe you anything.
I eat my medicine
and the nurses’ eyes
go back to normal.
She nods at me
when I stare across the table.
Her voice
has no Malay intonation
like Nina’s.
You can go now.
She’s definitely Chinese.
❦
Tammie
doesn’t chase me away
today
when I follow her
into the studio.
She changes
into the leotard she says
“helps her practice better”
and turns up
the volume
of all the CD players
so they’re blaring
all at once.
I sit at a safe distance,
hug my knees
and think through the noise.
Tammie spins
like a wire top,
veins and bones
jutting out
gruesomely,
painfully
as she contorts
her body.
She doesn’t get bruises anymore though.
I don’t know why.
I can hear
the sound of bone
hitting metal
even over the dissonant music.
There’s a smile on her face,
a light in her eyes,
an ease to her dance.
I guess
it’s a dream
she’s really
serious about.
There is
something
important
I’m supposed
to think about
but I got so mesmerised by Tammie’s improvement
that I’ve forgotten
what it is.
It’s about a disappearance.
A name,
A name comes to mind.
Raymond.
Someone whispers it to me
from behind.
I turn around
but there’s nobody
there.
Raymond
is the latest
disappearance.
Even though
Li Wen was the one
who made a fuss.
But even before Raymond disappeared,
the nurses brought
two patients in
even
though
there was already
seven of us.
The sound of skin
sliding down metal.
I blink.
Tammie lands on her feet,
tousles her own hair.
Don’t think about it.
It’s over.
Li Wen started the commotion
because of Raymond.
Now that Raymond
is gone…
Tammie leans in close.
I can see
the sweat
dripping down her chest
but I only smell
vomit.
Her grey eyes
fill my field of vision,
head tilted.
…the problem is solved,
isn’t it?
❦
