LX | Some Reasons
❦
Tammie
hangs
upside down,
legs
wrapped
around
the metal pole,
body
twisted
serpentine.
Are you still thinking
about
Raymond?
I blink at her.
It takes
a while
for me to process
what she’s saying.
Her
apologetic
smile
is also upside down.
‘Mn.’
Her
upside down
smile
widens.
Get out. You’re distracting me
from practice.
I get up
and leave
just like
she asked.
Raymond
isn’t adverse
to Li Wen’s advances.
I decide
that
this has been true
for a long time,
not just
yesterday.
He never rejects her,
no matter how
pushy
or invasive
she is.
Sitting in his lap,
stealing his food,
whispering
in his ear.
He could push her away,
tell her no.
But he doesn’t.
Just turns red,
finds objects around him interesting
all of a sudden.
He…
doesn’t know
how to say
no?
Or maybe…
He wants it?
That’s the problem
I’ve decided
to confront today.
It’s not your problem.
I can imagine
Tammie’s voice
telling me
in my mind.
She’s been grumpy
for days
ever since
the incident.
Yesterday night,
before going to sleep,
she kept asking me
why I’m
thinking of him.
It isn’t
our problem…yet.
But I can’t
tell
Tammie
that.
It’s embarrassing to say it.
I’m worried that Raymond
is going to leave
or get transferred.
Then Li Wen
will be
alone again.
When that happens,
Tammie,
with her boyish hair,
cheeky ways,
the next closest thing
to Raymond,
might become her
next
target?
My fingernails
cut
into my hands
deeper
than
I realise.
I wriggle my fingers,
pulling them
free
from my palm
and pick up
my paintbrush.
❦
Li Wen’s door
remains closed
all day.
The asylum
is quiet
without her—
just as it was
with her.
Raymond,
(I observe)
doesn’t seem
to care
that his parasite
is gone.
He follows his daily routine as usual,
ignoring everyone else,
his eyes never really
focused
on anything
in particular.
The twins
have a long
whispered
conversation
with each other
every time
Raymond
happens to be in the room
they want to enter.
I don’t understand
Malay,
and I can’t hear faraway whispers,
but her hand
tightens
over her brother’s
and she hisses
furiously every time.
The brother,
on the other hand,
shakes his head,
not meeting
her eyes,
pulling her forward.
It’s
an awkward
dynamic.
She’s clearly
the leader
of the two of them.
But her brother
is physically stronger
so there’s
an impasse.
The room
they’re debating on entering right now
is the kitchen.
Raymond
is between them
in the dining room,
enjoying
his bowl of laksa.
They stand,
close to my painting spot,
arguing
fiercely
with each other.
Raymond sees them—
I know he does.
When he looks our way,
the twins
lower
their voices
even further.
Telepathy,
I think idly.
But even Raymond looks away
just as quickly.
(Did Li Wen train him to do that?)
‘What do you want?’
I ask the twins.
They freeze.
The sister
shields her brother
from me.
Her eyes
burn
into mine.
Warning, threatening.
‘I’ll get it for you,’
I explain,
‘from the kitchen.’
The girl’s
intense eyes
light my hair
on fire.
I feel the strands
behind me
heat up,
flames flickering
on my neck.
My paintbrush
taints the empty canvas
on its way down
to the palette.
For a moment,
I regret
choosing to get involved.
There’s a reason
we unanimously
ignore each other.
‘Food,’ she finally
replies.
‘Anything?’
I ask.
Without hesitation:
‘Anything.’
I remember
the sandwiches
they ate
yesterday
and bring those
to her.
She takes them from my hands
quickly,
as if they might
disappear.
Then,
she smiles.
It’s cute.
She looks
different
from her brother
when she smiles.
Girly.
‘Thanks,’
she tells the floor.
One sandwich
is handed
to the brother
and she starts
leading him away.
‘What’s your name?’
I ask.
She freezes,
like a cat
spotted messing about with neatly-sorted trash.
She turns.
Points at herself.
‘Nina.’
Points at her brother.
‘Oman.’
She tilts her head,
and blinks once.
Is she…asking me something?
‘Fiona,’
I tell her eventually.
She looks down
at her sandwich
and then smiles
at me again.
‘Thank you…
‘Fiona.’
Before she turns away again,
I grip my stool
and ask
suddenly,
‘Why do you always hold his hand?’
Her hand
tightens
over
her brother’s.
She’s quiet.
Maybe she doesn’t
understand?
‘Why are you the one protecting him?’
Coal-black eyes
focus on me
and my hair
bursts into flames
again.
I don’t think
she’s going to respond.
I’m about
to give up,
turn away
when she
does.
‘He can’t form memories.’
❦
