XVIII | Someone Leaves
❦
I’ve only run
100 metres
from the asylum gates
but I’m already
out of breath.
Must be because
I haven’t been
outside
for many years.
I need to catch
my breath.
I can’t breathe.
I need to stop.
I can’t feel my legs anymore.
I veer off
the natural forest path
where the branches
send jolts of pain
up my heels.
I’m in the forest.
I’m free.
But everything is burning.
I turn my head.
I shouldn’t have.
The white figures are coming.
I see them
bursting out the front doors of the asylum
towards the tall iron gate
coming towards me
with ease.
Is there any point
in telling you now
how I got here?
There isn’t much to it really.
❦
One night,
I waited for Tammie to leave,
then opened my door
to watch for Mason
and his nurses.
When I heard
their footsteps,
I ran screaming
into their arms,
babbling anxiously,
incoherently,
continuously
about cockroaches.
They checked my room,
found nothing
and tucked me back in bed
with soothing words.
I pretended
to be soothed
and closed my eyes.
Then I waited (again)
for them to leave,
rubbing the edges
of my card to freedom.
I did it!
It was easier
than expected.
Waiting
and watching,
biding my time
paid off.
It was a simple matter after that
to tap the card
on the card reader
and step into the dark space
just beyond
the door to the asylum.
As soon as I took
the first step,
an alarm began to blare.
My use of this door
was not part of the asylum’s usual operations.
I thought
something like this
might happen
but not this soon.
I burst out
into what’s usually the medicine room,
scanned
the windowless
empty
hall,
then, ran for the door.
Into a familiar corridor,
into a lift.
I couldn’t tell you
earlier
because I was
scared
you’d tell on me.
Ever since I
entered the asylum,
I’ve been retracing
this route
in my mind,
relentlessly,
over and over,
planning,
hoping for this day.
I always do that.
The lift went up
(instead of down),
and I ran along another corridor
similar to the one before,
except this one had rows of doors
lining one side.
At the end of this corridor,
there’s another lift—
going down.
When I’d almost reached it,
some of the doors burst open
and the white ghosts
rushed at me.
The lift doors closed
like in a horror movie,
shutting them out
as they ran with expressionless eyes
their fingers pointing,
their voices calling
my name.
Downstairs,
another empty room,
a foyer,
with windows,
nothing else.
I tapped the card
one more time,
above my head on the doorpost,
and the front doors of the mansion
open
slowly.
I heard the chime of the lift,
it reached the upper floor.
I was sprinting to the gate,
my throat sore from breathing so hard,
my chest about to burst
with my first real emotion in a long time.
I tapped the card
against the gatepost
and slipped through the gap
as soon as it was wide enough
for me.
❦
Now I’m running
through the forest surrounding the asylum,
branches slowing me down,
tall burly figures
(they’re close enough to make out now)
closing in on me.
I had a head start,
but they run like children during NAPFA,
like they’ve practised this
many times before.
I run anyway,
one hand digging into the edges
of the nurse’s access card,
the other,
clutching my backup plan,
a pen
full of
anti-psychotic
medicine.
❦
