XCVI | Some Will Remember

❦

We’re led,

one by one,

to the medicine room
like it’s medicine time.

But Moonlight Sonata

isn’t playing
in the background.

I find out why

when it’s my turn.

The masked nurse
hands me

a paper cup

and only one pill.

The pill for forgetting.

I’m taken by surprise.

I don’t have a choice
but to take the tablet.

There’s a nurse

standing near by
with a syringe.

I’ll forget all their names again.

Even though
I’ve just remembered.

Even though
I’m starting to figure out.

To understand
what’s reality.

I put the pill down.

‘I want to see the doctor.’

The two masked nurses
on the opposite side of the table

look at each other.

They don’t talk.
Not out loud anyway.

‘It’s been a month.’

They ignore me.

‘I have to ask this
‘before you make me forget.’

One of the two nod.

The angmoh nurse
taps my shoulder.

I stand up.

He leads me
to the opposite door.

I don’t have time to think.

Tammie, I whisper.

Tammie,
Tammie,
Tammie.

I’ll be at the doctor’s office
before I know it.

❦

Was that room real?

Tammie said
she wasn’t there

when the fire started.
The fire

is not part of the conspiracy
but an accident.

Did I imagine it?

That room—
I think about it now,

as the lift doors open
and I’m led inside—

that room had a door.

The studio
doesn’t have a door.

And the metal pole
Tammie pole dances with,

the CD players…

What happened
to all of those things?

A hallucination?

I did get too close
to the fire.

I fell down many times.

I don’t remember
Tammie’s eyes ever

glowing like that.

But I remember it clearly.

All the names. All the faces. All the deaths.

Corpses
that shouldn’t be
discovered.

The evidence of their work.

The secret of the asylum.

I’m sure of it.

It was an accident—

we’re walking
down the corridor

to the next lift—

an unexpected circumstance.

A hidden room
that became visible

because of the fire.

They found me there
but they aren’t worried.

They have medicine

to make me forget.

I’m surprised
they let us remember

for so long.

I’m even allowed to ask
questions.

I stare at my
distorted reflection

in the lift as we’re
whisked upwards.

They don’t consider me

a threat.

What can I do
anyway?

I can’t escape.

The angmoh nurse
is all tense.

Waiting for me to bolt.

Running
won’t save me.

Will it kill me?

I recite

the names of all the patients
I remember.

I won’t forget.
I won’t forget.

Elliot.

Mason.

Fatima.

Krishna.

Raymond.

Urei.

Nina.

Asher.

Li Wen.

Gavin.

Xavier.

Zuraida.

Siti.

Queenie.

Wei Xiang.

Oman.