XCIV | Some Bond

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Tammie’s chin
digs into my ribs.

It hurts.

She’s watching my face, my expressions.

She leans close again,

breathing foul vomit
onto my face.

Despite myself,

I wrinkle my nose.

My head moves—
imperceptible.

She notices.

An apologetic smile.

As if telling me,
I’m very real now.

 

I need to touch Tammie,
be 100% sure she’s real,

like
during the fire.

I’m
trying my best
to remember.

I pull
at my bonds.

The nurse has tied

my wrists tightly
to the sides of the bed.

Tug

violently,
suddenly.

Pain pierces through the full length of my arm.

I just want to be sure

she’s not
a medicated fantasy.

I’m sure
about the room.

I remember the faces,
the names,
the stench.

Queenie’s eyes

are clearest
in my mind.

Elliot’s haunt me too,

empty dark holes
where there should be eyes.

The restraints
are the same kind

they always use.

Why can’t I wriggle free?

I feel for the knots

but blood drains
from my fingers.

Tammie tilts her head.

It’s hard to see
with her
in my way.

You were there,

I whisper,

in the studio.

She smiles,
apologetic.

The lights went out
because of the fire.

Your cupboard
became a coffin.

You were there
with all the dead patients.

My eyes brim
with tears.

Her lips part slightly.

Her hand reaching out
to catch my tears.

They fall into my ears
before she gets there.

I thought they killed you too.

Tammie shakes
her head.

She doesn’t speak.

Is it because
I flinched

at her breath on my face?

You were wrong,
I whisper.

My throat tastes of blood.

My eyelids
heavy

from the poison
the nurse injected into me.

I’m going to die here,
aren’t I?

Tammie smiles again.

I blink back
tears

to examine her again.

I think
she’s skinnier

than I last saw her.

They’re not
starving her,
are they?

Is that how they plan to kill her?

She’ll die here too.

The future that
we both wanted
together…

It’s impossible, right?

 

The lights dim.

The machine beeps faster.

Tammie keeps
her grey eyes

on me.

Tammie… I’m sorry.

 

No, Fiona.

I’m the one who’s sorry.
You’ll be okay.

 

You’re not making sense.
You don’t have anything

to be sorry about.

She’s laughing
at me.

It’s not funny.

 

You’ll feel better
when you wake up again.

There’s no conspiracy.

You have to trust me
on that.

 

Huh?

But she was there.

She saw
all the corpses

I did.

Because her grey eyes glowed so brightly
in the suffocating darkness,

we saw

everyone they killed.

We remembered

all their names.

Why is she
on their side
now?

What did they do to her?

How did they get her
to believe them?

What about our dream?
I ask.

You don’t
want to get out of here
and live with me?

 

The door bursts open.

My head
can’t turn to see

who it is.

The room gets darker.
Tammie’s squeezing my restrained hand.

Setting me free.

I feel the rope loosen.

Pain lances
up my arm.

You should’ve set me free earlier,
I tell Tammie.

Then we could have
escaped together.

 

The room plunges into a darkness
Tammie’s grey eyes can’t light up.

 

It’s too late now.

 

 

 

❦