LXXIX | Someone Important ❦ Tammie rubs my head, tangling up my hair. Her voiceis full of affection. This is why you’re here, Fifi. And she leaves. Goes back to practice. Leaves mebewildered. Shaking. Everythingis trembling. Even the thoughts in my head. I don’t understand. It’s hard to stand.My legs are numb … Read more
LXXVIII | Someone’s Guilty ❦ ‘Tammie!’ I hiss. She blinks at me, sweatdripping up her face as she pauses,upside down on the pole. The dissonant music stops. She executesa difficult move that reveals too much. I wince. She lands on her toes,smiling. Lucky you. I’m done.What’s up? I would tell her to close … Read more
LXXVII | Something’s Erased ❦ I wake up trying to remember yesterday—trying to remember what’s so important aboutyesterday. Tammie sighs(it stinks) and goosebumps rise along my collarbone. I peel myselfaway from her. It was hot last night.The sheets are damp. She opens her eyeswhen I move. Her apologetic smile makes me feel hot again. No … Read more
LXXVI | Some Violence ❦ It’s a bit earlyfor medicine time. The skyis still very bright. Tammie’s grip on one of my hands turns it white. I wiggle my fingersbut she doesn’t respond. So I let her. Yes, I play favourites. Asher’s not allowed,but Tammie can. They’re different so I treat them different. Maybe … Read more
LXXV | Some Truth ❦ You’re happier, Asher says,looking really pleased with himself. I blush, not meeting his eyes, dipping my paintbrushin grey paint. What happened? I highlight Tammie’s grey eyes,remembering the triumphant glint in her eyes last nightwhen I screamed. No one heard. I turn to Asherwhen he repeats himself and … Read more
LXXIV | Some Apology ❦ Keep it simple,I imagine Asher telling me. So I write a short note: Please meet meat your favourite place. Slide it under her closed doorafter my bath. I squat therestaring at the uneven scratches covering the bottom half of the door. Then I waiton the cold metal bench (it’s even … Read more
LXXIII | Some Attention ❦ Strange ideasswim in my head like they always do when I wake up, sticking to me like magnetsthat refuse to repel. Ideason how to apologise to Tammie. I’d made it worsedoing that… that…act of inducing jealousy with Asher. She’s barely around now. I’m painting hermore feverishly. Don’t forget. Don’t forget. … Read more
LXXII | Some Test ❦ I’m tailed by the nursesfor a month. They won’t leaveuntil they do THE TEST. I think they’re overreacting. But of course,I don’t track these things— like a normal girl. The doctor is firmeven when I make a scene. Boring questions. Routine. Her eyes are kind. Calculating, patient, bored. The angel … Read more
LXXI | Some Tears ❦ Asher’s tears are salty.His lips are warm. He’s asking the same question against my skin. Over and over. Why?Why?Why? Then, I feel his angerat himself. You’re insane. I’m a monster.Do you realise— Shut up. I silence himwith my own warmth. Forget. Forget everything. Make me forget … Read more
LXX | Some Feelings ❦ I see confusion in Asher’s eyes. He’s tilted his head,plastic ear pointed at me instinctively. To hear me better. That’s not the problem though. His fingers twitch.Shaking. He’s scared. The fear makes its wayinto his eyes. Along with shame. I’m surethat’s also reflected in mine. He leaves before I can … Read more
