LXXXIX | Some Room ❦ Finally,I locate the study room— It’s the sourceof the fire. The shelves are on fire. (Everything inside actually.) It’s now a factoryproducing smoke. My skin melts. Hands haul meupright. Away. Tammie! The siren screams at me. I fight. (I don’t realise I’ve collapsed.) I kick another canvas-clad nurse.My wet towel … Read more
LXXXVIII | Some Appearance ❦ Third last stepand I finally get it. Ashes like black wisps of paper, floatthrough the air.Dark clouds rising from the ground like the world’sturned upside down. Rain is pouringfrom above into the clouds below. The heat burns,like I’ve enteredan oven. Flashes of colour, amber,white,orange,red,black. Flickering lights. A foul smell.Choking. My … Read more
LXXXVII | Some Loud Sounds ❦ I leave. It doesn’t matterwhere I’m going. Almost immediately I crashinto something hard. Warm. A someone. Dark eyesblink down at me. A handreaching out. Wrinkled,trembling, but reaching out. A smile that’s not apologetic,not threatening. A smile of wonder. There’s nothing wonderfulabout this place. Or this world. I want to … Read more
LXXXVI | Something Not Mine ❦ Tammie’s hair is damp,ruffled,half standing up. She’s smiling her apologetic smile. Oblivious. Safe. I almost collapsefrom relief. I hold her tightertonight, squeezing her handevery now and then, just to be sure. A single high-pitched screamkeeps my eyes open tonight. I’ll be more tiredtomorrow than I am right now. … Read more
LXXXV | Some Defence ❦ It’s clearwhat Tammie thinks of me. (She’s tenderly running her hand over the pulseon my throat right now.) I don’t dareto ask her. Knowing the truth will hurt more. Maybe by ingratiating herself,she won’t get hurt by me again. Maybe that’ll work, but I already knowwhat I did wrong. Even … Read more
LXXXIV | Something Grey ❦ I’ve set up a new easelby the window. Sorted out a box of paints. I make a new palette(can’t find the other one). Today, I’ll paint Tammie’seyes right. I start mixingcoloursinto grey paint. The empty canvas is now full of wrong grey eyes. ❦ What should I … Read more
LXXXIII | Something I Misunderstood ❦ ‘I can pursue my own dream now.’ I stared at her—uncomprehending. ‘Since that first bus ride,‘I’ve been following you. ‘Now, I have my own dream.‘When we graduate, ‘I’ll make my dream‘a reality. ‘I’ll finally be free.’ She was different. I had believed that.They fooled me. She continued to … Read more
LXXXII | Some Kind of Betrayal ❦ You locked me in a cupboard. ‘What? Why?’I ask her. The strand of hair she pullstaut breaks off between her fingers. She smiles,apologetic. If you don’t figure out what you did,there’s no point is there? ‘But I don’t remember.’ Tammie shrugs. You don’t thinkyou … Read more
LXXXI | Something From The Past ❦ Everyonehas secrets, Fifi. You’re not the only one. Everyoneis sick in some way. You’re not the only one. ❦ We were bathed in sunlight. It shone downlike a spotlight and reflected offcolourful concrete bricks in a decorative pattern. I sat. Crosslegged,studying. Tammie, her … Read more
LXXX | Some Accusations ❦ ‘It’s medicine time,’I yell over the dissonant music. Moonlight Sonatais barely audible in front of the studio. Inside, where Tammiedances amidst a circle of CD players, it’s probably even worse. I shake my headand yell again when she smiles apologetically. We’re just sitting down —in my chair,she, on the … Read more
