XCIX | Some Pleasure ❦ I look at the pilland the paper cup in front of me. I think I can do it. There’s a plastic knifein my underwear. I can pull it out quick— stab the angmoh nurse behind me,the two masked nurses in front,the nurse with the syringe… It’ll be over in a … Read more
XCVIII | Some Confession ❦ You knew Tammie before.Who is she, Fiona? The doctor’s voice is soft,kind. Like an angel’s. But the way she saysTammie is threatening. She knows.She doesn’t need to ask. What answerdoes she want me to give? She tilts her head.Smiles wider. Turns back to her keyboard and continues … Read more
XCVII | Some Answers ❦ The woman in whitelooks up when the angmoh nurse opens the door and closes it behind me. She squintsbehind her glasses and smiles like she’s really happyto see me. (Her eyes light upand everything.) I frown at her. She asks me to take a seat and looksdown at the papers … Read more
XCVI | Some Will Remember ❦ We’re led, one by one, to the medicine roomlike it’s medicine time. But Moonlight Sonata isn’t playingin the background. I find out why when it’s my turn. The masked nursehands me a paper cup and only one pill. The pill for forgetting. I’m taken by surprise. I don’t … Read more
XCV | Something’s Not Right ❦ When I open my eyes again,I’m surrounded by my portraits of Tammie. The LED lightabove my bed is a familiar one. The smell of Tammieengulfs me entirely. Why does helllook like my bedroom at the asylum? Tammie giggles. You idiot. She rubs her hairagainst my … Read more
XCIV | Some Bond ❦ Tammie’s chindigs into my ribs. It hurts. She’s watching my face, my expressions. She leans close again, breathing foul vomitonto my face. Despite myself, I wrinkle my nose. My head moves—imperceptible. She notices. An apologetic smile. As if telling me,I’m very real now. I need to touch Tammie,be 100% … Read more
XCIII | Someone Else ❦ Someone’s replaced my bloodwith lead. I can’t move. My lips partafter a mammoth exertion. ‘Ta…mmie…’ I blink,surprised. My vision is floodedwith light. I squeeze my eyes shutquickly. I don’t want to see herglowinggrey eyes. A hand brushesmy cheek. Nails scrapeacross my skin. I recognise this touch. The stenchof rotting flesh,of … Read more
XCII | Some Time ❦ I’m remembering all the namesI’ve forgotten, all the facesI’ve forgotten, their screams, their blood, their dead eyes. Not everything. Just enough to know,to be horrified. All the patients. They didn’t leave. They were killed. I’m gagging from the smell,from the shock,from the heat. The room’s gotten darker now. … Read more
XCI | Something Dead ❦ Where am I?Where am I?Where am I? Tammie’s head tilts again—suddenly— with a loud creak, to the opposite side. There’s nothingbut pain. I feel every broken bone,every bruise,every bleeding cut. I fall,legs giving way, my lower body absorbing the impactof the wooden floor. It rings in my ears like … Read more
XC | Some Cupboards ❦ The very familiar gigglewakes up the cells in my body. Brightens upthe studio. It’s still dark—I can see greyish lightfrom the doorway so I know there’s no lightin here. But I can see. I pull the leotards out. Am I touching her? Why is she here— inside this cupboard? In … Read more
